Mixing it up: The Wick At Both Ends

Small plates are so in right now. They’re so in and cool that after eating some small plates last week I hit peak relevance on Monday night at 6 pm and the rest of a week was a write off after that.
I have to admit I am completely guilty of jumping on the bandwagon of teeny tiny plates of food, I’m not sure if it’s because it makes me feel as if I can eat four times as many because they’re small (that makes sense…right?) or because I’m a habitual food sharer and get ratty if people don’t want to give me some of whatever they’re eating. Sharing is caring people.

Myself and the perpetually patient housemates were lucky enough to be invited to the Wick At Both Ends to try out their latest new menu and we ate them out of house and home. Shockingly.

They’re new menu is catchily called Wick ‘n’ Mix, it’s stuffed full of dishes and price depends on how many you want. We obviously went for seven small dishes (the most they offer in a group deal) for £22 and then because we were scared this wasn’t enough we added another three for £12….and chips….just in case.

We went for:

Venison shepherd’s pie

Why not start with one of the best eh? Rich and meaty this was a dish of pure delight. Topped with perfectly creamy mash this was a stand out dish for us, pretty much faultless

Potted ham with burnt apple and sourdoughwick10

Potted things are always a funny one aren’t they? A bit like a fancy pate really. This one was one a pretty good potted thing, it matched well with the burnt apple puree and was a light and slightly more refreshing option than our others

wick2Tempura cauliflower

The best dish. By a mile. Perfectly crispy and tasty there’s not a right lot else to say about this, except next time I’m going to order four, for me. In fact, please deliver me some, right now. Please.


Red pepper hummus with wick4focaccia

Roll your eyes if you’d like, hummus is just hummus I hear you cry. No, no, dear friend. Hummus can be terribly bland or terribly good, this one was terribly good for example. Ever so slightly spicy the texture was en pointe, kudos, and I could have eaten a loaf of the foccacia.

wick3Garlic prawns

I love getting my hands dirty when it comes to food so serving prawns whole like this is always a winner.

 

 

Pork belly with wild rice and almonds

I forgot about this dish. Sorry, I was too busy drooling over the cauliflower

Celeriac with horseradishwick5

I’m not going to lie I feel slightly betrayed by this dish. When deciding upon our marathon amounts of food I defended celeriac. I pushed for it to be included in our gargantuan line up. Waxed lyrical about how tender and tasty it could be given the chance. However, this celeriac wasn’t great. The horseradish we were promised wasn’t apparent in the sauce and it was under cooked. Needless to say I got questioned on why we didn’t just order more cauliflower

Duck nuggets with rhubarb ketchupwick9

Probably one of my most favourite phrases to say. Go on. Say it out loud. Duuuuuck Nuuugget. Also one of my most favourite things to eat it would appear. Who knew deep friend duck tastes so good.

Musselswick11

Another slight let down here on the mussel front. The housemates LOVE mussels, go nuts for them and these were slightly underwhelming, it’s fine I just wafted the duck nuggets under their noses

Curried monkfish with sweetcorn

Now, I’m probably not the best person to comment on this as I loathe sweetcorn, but the actual monkfish itself was amazing, meaty and slightly spicy, can I have a plate of just the monkfish?

 

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Whilst there were definitely a few slips in the dishes, I’m still a little bitter about the celeriac, overall the food was pretty damn good. They managed to bring out all ten plates of food to us at the same time, all hot and very obviously just cooked so I’m impressed. If I was that chef I probably would have been cursing us. It’s also worth mentioning that our waitress was so lovely it looked like the management had stolen her right out of a Disney film.
To conclude; please make the shepherds pie into a massive sharing dish rather than a small plate, it’s too good to just have a couple of spoonfuls and next time I’ll just have to order more duck nuggets and did I mention the cauliflower?

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Follow the crumble path

“I don’t mean to be a pain but I can’t eat that because….”

The words that 99% of home cooks dread to hear. Oh. God. Now I’m going to have to adapt. I’m going to have to work out how to use all these different complicated flour/dairy/nut/soy/meat/seafood/mollusc/animal/vegetable/mineral alternatives. The list is endless, with new allergens being discovered every single day. Having grown up with a brother who had a different allergic reaction each week (sand, people, the boy was allergic to sand) I realise that allergies are real. They are not just things that people make up and should be taken incredibly seriously. However, that also doesn’t mean that I don’t have beef with people who are like oh yea I don’t eat gluten for “health” reasons. 99% of these people are horribly misinformed and end up boring the rest of us with their tales of how quinoa porridge has like so totally changed their life. Go do some research of what is involved in a balanced diet and then come back to me.
When you don’t have money to burn and maybe don’t have a wealth of knowledge on such ‘alternatives’ it can be tricky. As a cook I love inclusive eating, I hate having to cook something different for the veggie or the celiac at the party, it feels alienating and silly. We live in a world FULL of amazing ingredients and I always attempt to think of having to change my cooking plan as a challenge rather than a kerfuffle.
So, we had housemates lovely celiac boyfriend over and I was determined to start practicing the dessert that I will be making for my supper club coming up in a couple of weeks. This dessert involved the full Masterchef Australia special of something frozen, something crumby, something fresh and some silly plating that involves it being off centre. I wasn’t planning on making my dessert gluten free but after having tasted it I may keep it this way. Here’s my recipe for honey semifreddo, cinnamon rice flour crumb and fresh strawberries:

Honey Semifreddo (disclaimer, this is based on Nigellas recipe, with a couple of alterations):

1 large egg
4 large egg yolks
150 grams runny honey (Nigella says 100g which I don’t think is sweet enough and she doesn’t specify what type of honey, I think runny works best personally!)
300 millilitres double cream

Rice Flour Crumb:
Right, so my recipe for this crumb is pretty darn unhelpful. A wise woman once taught be how to make crumble topping by if you can feel all of the ingredients in perfect harmony then it was a good crumble topping. I make crumbs in the same vein, it also depends on how crumbly you want to make this dessert, whether you want tonnes of crumb or whether you only want a sprinkling. So here’s the ingredients, be as wild or as restrained as you wish:

Rice Flour
Cinnamon
Demerara Sugar
Softened butter
Pecans/Dessicated coconut (optional, I’d obviously never use coconut because it’s gross but I can understand why people would think it belongs here)

To decorate:
Fresh strawberries (I used three on each plate, 2 whole and 1 chopped into four segments)
Fresh mint

Method:
Line a normal sized loaf tin with clingfilm
And panic because it is inevitably impossible to get the cling film wrinkle free

Beat the egg and egg yolks with the honey in a bowl, over a saucepan of gently simmering water, until the mixture is pale and thick
More panic because WHAT CONSTITUTES THICK!?!?!?! What’s thick to me might not be thick to you, ok it’s kinda got a ribbony texture

Whip the double cream until thick, and then gently fold in the egg and honey mixture
Damn you thickness, and why does cream always take longer to thicken that I think. DON’T SPLIT. DON’T SPLI….ok it’s ok. Should I leave the honey mixture to cool!?!?! Not sure, I’ll whack it in anyway, curse you Nigella and your amazing but vague recipes

Pour into tin, clingfilm over and leave to set in the freezer for between 2-3 hours
And realise that unlike masterchef you don’t just have empty freezers waiting for today’s semifreddo, no, no you will have to completely re arrange, drop half a bag of peas everywhere and end up with everything slightly melted to make a flat surface for this tin to sit

When semifreddo is nearly ready, heat oven to 180 C, put all the ingredients for crumb in a bowl and rub together with your fingertips until combined
Never use more than your fingertips or everything will end up slightly manky as the butter will start to melt. Plus take off rings, every time I forget and the I swear violently at getting my rings covered

Line a baking tray with greaseproof paper, tip out crumb onto tray and bake for around 15 minutes or until golden and crunchy, make sure to ruffle the crumb at least once
Isn’t ‘ruffle the crumb’ such a great turn of phrase

Take semifreddo out of freezer, serve with a generous crumb trail and the fresh strawberries and mint
Pretend you’re on masterchef but make sure you instagram quickly as the semifreddo WILL MELT
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A confession of a habit most strange

It’s all our parents fault. It is. They taught us these strange, strange habits as we were growing up, or, they at least didn’t chastise us enough saying “No child! That’s a terribly odd thing to do. What on earth would make you think of such a terrifying and disgusting creation”. OR. They deprived us so heavily of the things that we craved so furiously that as soon as we got a sweet taste of freedom we clung onto it, embraced it and dived into a whole sea of weird. So yes, it’s our parents fault.

I vividly remember in my first week of Uni feeling young, vulnerable and exhilarated all at once. I’d eaten pizza three nights in a row and couldn’t tell you the last time I saw, let alone consumed a vegetable. I was a rebel without a cause, a whole array of foods open to me that Mother had told me (correctly) would be bad for me. Screw that, I’d eat all the Ricicles I want god dammit! However, I was craving a slice of home, a bit of comfort on my fourth day of determinedly destroying my liver like every good fresher does. So I grabbed one of the teacakes (not bread rolls anyone from Sheffield, as in actual teacakes. With raisins in) my mother had sent me off with, toasted it and grated some cheese onto it. Put it together like a sandwich, ate it…..and realised all my housemates were staring at me like I was a creature from Mars
“You just put…. cheese… on a teacake” one of them stammered
“Yea. Don’t you?” It was then I realised. I’m weird. I’m really really weird and all the food things I thought were normal were lies. For years I’d pronounced hummus wrong, put cheese on teacakes and not eaten a roast on a Sunday and thought this was perfectly normal.

As the years have gone on I’ve learnt to somehow forgive my parents for leading me so astray and developed new food quirks. For example, I have an overwhelming fear of orange pith, eat peanut butter and marmite on the same slice of toast and think hummus on crumpets is a banging idea.
So, I opened it up to the great and good of Facebook to share with me their quirks and by gum they didn’t let me down. Weirdos everywhere stuck their flag in the sand and shared their quirks. One foodie friend bared his soul for all to see in sharing his overwhelming hatred of cucumber and one bloke friend threw his wife under the bus by revealing her rather strange habit of eating frozen peas. Yes love that is a strange thing to do. Sorry.
Here’s a few of the top out-there treats:

  1. Sausage tartar – Who doesn’t love munching on raw pork

  2. The pastry rules – Volovants are totally ok, however samosa pastry is a no no. Choux is also allowed however don’t put a pie in front of this lovely lady, the pastry WILL be left

  3. Choc ‘n’ Cheese – Chocolate milkshake. Check. Chunk of cheddar. Check. Interchange bites of both to complete all your dairy dreams

  4. Crunchy Treat – Who doesn’t love a good bowl of al dente pasta. Infact, why even bother cooking it at all!? Snack away

  5. Cheese gate – I was taught a new way to eat nachos yesterday but one gorgeous girlie. With a knife and fork!!! Who wants to touch all that nasty cheese anyway

  6. Skin on – A standing ovation for the man who openly admits he the skin of a kiwi. Who stayed strong when all around him called him insane and gross and vile and crazy. Keep eating that kiwi skin I say

  7. Banana Bonanza – Bananas are great. Bacon is great. Why not combine the two!? Finishing it off with some sweet chilli sauce. Perfect, right?

Fear X Loathing: A burger redemption

I am not one for food trends. Definitely not. Silly phrases and normally poorly thought through concepts. Chia seeds, bad. Ice cream stuffed macaroons, bad. Glooping Sriracha on anything that stays still long enough, bad, bad, bad.

With this disdain of having to be ‘on trend’ in mind I must admit I went into Fear X Loathing on West Street with a hint of trepidation. Fear X Loathing specialises in burgers and huge stacked burgers at that. They all rather oddly have the name Juicy in the title and I have to admit I’m not a massive burger fan. It also has the slight added disadvantage of being away from the Division Street Massive and their independent counterparts.

However. I can accept when I am wrong and this is one of those occasions, I have been wrong about burgers. The incredibly friendly staff were quick to recommend me a burger that whilst sounded like my worst mutant trendy nightmare was actually completely delicious.
They also persuaded me into halloumi bites and as I am a complete cheese fiend (as if fearxloathing4anyone didn’t know that yet) I snaffled them before you could say “what does cheese say to itself when it looks in the mirror”. Deep fried halloumi is always, always going to be a huge success in my book and this was particularly good. They have a range of in house made sauces that come in varying degrees of blow your brains out spicy. The chilli mayo one is so good that I could have licked the pot that they gave me. Crispy, slightly spicy, the halloumi was a win.

Moving on, the main event was…..are you ready for this…….a bacon frazzle burger. Yes. Yes, you read that right dear reader. A chicken patty topped with spinach and sun dried tomato and garlic sauce and yes most importantly bacon frazzles. As in the 90’s retro crisps that taste sod all to do with bacon and a lot to do with E numbers. Who cares though because they taste freaking amazing on a burger. The herb Crème fraîche was gorgeously creamy and it came with sweet potato fries. Fit. They were crispy, crunchy and yet creamy on the inside. The whole thing was absolutely massive so definitely worth the £12.50 price tag. Stop tutting it’s not that much.fearxloathing3

Even better Fear X Loathing do some cracking cocktails. On a high after my frazzletastic lunch I promised I’d be back that evening with Lovely Boy in tow and drink my own weight in cocktails.

Now. Reader. Forgive me. I can’t exactly remember what these cocktails were called due to the number consumed, however, I know I had a zingy lovely gin number which definitely fearxloathing1added to my one glass of wine glow. Lovely Boy had a chilli cocktail (pictured) which was perfectly balanced and had just the right kick you were looking for to keep you awake for a long Friday night.

We both really enjoyed it and it’s always great to have a bartender who knows what he’s talking about. Plus I had the always added advantage of making Lovely Boy jealous due to my frazzlmazing burger.

Must think of some frazzle puns……..

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Fear X Loathing
101 West St, Sheffield S1 4EQ

The Beer Engine. An ode to hummus

We all have that one friend. That one friend who has it together. They have a great job, fantastic house and generally seem quite good at adulting.

I meet my successful adulting friend probably once a month, he laughs at my silly twenty ish year old problems such as: what am I going to do with my life, he despairs when I inform him that my latest date was covered in tattoos and lives in his warehouse and comforts me big brother style when inevitably said romance falls to pieces around my ears. Where as I mercilessly tease him about his latest no carb diet, roll my eyes and lecture him about the environment as he talks about his corporate job and constantly inform him that he is overly middle class and refer to him simply as public school boy.

As he had a rather significant birthday recently (I won’t disclose which as he had the biggest strop about it all in the first place) I decided that I’d return the favour he’d done for me many times and take him out for dinner. He informed me that he was on a no carb diet (cue much gaffawing from me) and so I picked tapas. Who doesn’t love tapas!? Tiny bits of everything and normally many things involving cheese. My tapas place of choice was The Beer Engine. My local from work the Beer Engine is a light an airy pub serving up a great range of craft beer and a weekly changing menu of tapas

.

Beerengine10

We obviously tried one of everything going, which involved:

Hummus with toasted pitta

Right. Confession time, I’m terrible and I mean TERRIBLE at making hummus. Also at spelling it but that’s beside the point. This may genuinely have been some of the best hummus I’ve ever had, served sprinkled with nigella seeds which added a smokeyness and gorgeous warm pitta I don’t think I stopped eating it. My favourite thing by a mile.

 Beerengine8

Spanish sharing plate: mixed olives, marinated anchovies, manchego cheese and membrillo, cured meats

Still got no idea what membrillo is. Don’t care either. Olives – yum, cheese – yum, cured meats – yum but the standout on this plate was the anchovies. They were incredible, especially when

mixed with the hummus and pitta bread

 Beerengine9

Sausage, new potato, fennel, watercress and fried egg

I hate fennel. HATE IT. I’m not convinced that there is actually any fennel in this dish as it was delicious and everything is improved with a fried egg. Went fantastically with a dollop of hummus.Beerengine3

South by South West salad: Salad, sweetcorn, beans, cherry tomatoes, spring onion and feta

Slightly confused as to the origins of this salad however can imagine it fitting in super well at a BBQ. Have I mentioned the hummus yet?

 Beerengine2

Pork ribs in a mango and tequila sauce

Public school boy attempted to convince me that mango is a carb. Shut up. Whilst I’m not overly keen on ribs the sauce was incredible. Sweet, sticky, smoky and slightly spicy it’s everything that you want from a BBQ sauce without being overly thick and gelatinous. Still not hummus though.

Beerengine4

Macaroni Cheese Balls

Deep fried Mac ‘n Cheese, that’s all that needs to be said about that. Probably the only thing I didn’t cover in hummus.Beerengine6

Calamari with lime and coriander mayonnaise

I would like a vat of that sauce, and the hummus, the batter was light and fluffy as all good batter is, calamari doesn’t go fantastically with hummus though

Beerengine7

Chef’s potato salad

Not hummus but still really good. Slightly spicy which I appreciated and topped with coriander which is always a win in my book

 Beerengine5

So overall the food is good with great value for money as the portions are definitely not tapas size, they’re like…..actual people size.

Please give me the hummus recipe?????

Battle of the BBQ

Reader, I have a confession. I am a competitive person. It’s something that’s taken me years to accept about myself. I spent so long saying “No, no, don’t be silly I’m not a competitive person”. The word competitive for me had connotations of playing monopoly with my family and it ending in earth shattering arguments due to both Father and Brother being overtly determined to win.

However, since I’ve grown older and supposedly wiser I’ve accepted that a bit of competitiveness is no bad thing. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t be throwing the tiny monopoly dog at my fellow players anytime soon but a healthy level of wanting to be good can be useful.

So. Lovely Boy made his first mistake this week. He challenged me to a BBQ off. Silly, silly boy. I told friends that he was attempting to do this and all of their faces crumpled in a mixture of pity and fear for him, nearly always followed by a “Ooooooo that’s a mistake”.  However, he’d sparked the competitive streak in me and even though I knew his lovely blue eyes would be staring at me forlornly when I won and there was a distinct possibility that due to me being a bossy madam I was about to ruin something that had only just begun. I didn’t care.

It’s a truth universally known that it isn’t Christmas in the Lawlor household without a BBQ’d Turkey. It’s become the stuff of legend. Our family regularly reminisce about that first fateful Christmas my Father threw his toys out of the pram and decided our RAF oven was just too small so was going to BBQ it, Mother retreated to the kitchen, bottle of Verve Clique in hand, Uncles gathered round in awe to watch man light fire and cook, both of the Granny’s were proclaiming to the heavens that they’d never get fed. They did. We’ve never looked back since. Therefore, I have no fear of BBQ’s, I know that meat, fish and veg can all be treated to the BBQ way and taste great.
We drew our lines in the sand and took each other on in an epic battle of a who’s who of BBQ’s. I chose a garam masala chicken and a coriander lemon mackerel and he chose a marinated rosemary lamb.

Friends bought so much food that our table was groaning underneath the load (a highlight being the Venezuelan Arepas) and I’ve been eating BBQ leftovers for the last week.

Here’s a few of my favourite BBQ related recipes.

Oh, and who won the battle of the BBQ? I think we can safely say we drew and he didn’t run for the hills when he saw my competitive face. Next time though…..

Garam Masala Chicken:

12 chicken drumsticks- skin on

3/4 pot of natural yoghurt

3 tablespoons of garam masala

Large bunch of coriander, torn, stalks and leaves

2 tablespoons of dried mint

2 table spoons of paprika

1 tablespoon of cayenne pepper

1 table spoon of chilli flakes (optional, depends if you can handle the heat)

Salt

Pepper

  1. Grab a massive metal bowl
    I mean massive. Big enough to fit all your chicken in and maybe the kitchen sink
  2. Tip yoghurt into bowl, add garam masala, mint, paprika, salt and pepper, stir until all incorporated and goes a lovely orangey colour
  3. Add in dried mint and coriander
  4. Place chicken in bowl and using your hands smoosh everything all together
    Aren’t you glad you followed my tip and used a massive metal bowl
  5. Cover with cling film and leave overnight to infuse
    Try not to wrap yourself in cling film at the same time. Happens worryingly often to me
  6. Uncover in time for BBQ, wipe off some of the excess yoghurt from the drumsticks (not all of it, but enough so that it’s not completely soaked in yoghurt or it’ll burn and that’s proper annoying to clean), sprinkle with cayenne pepper, some more salt, pepper and chilli flakes if you like it extra spicy and BBQ until cooked through
    Or this is what I normally do. However, Lovely Boy decided to take my chicken out and BBQ it without consulting me. Mistake.
  7. Serve with raita and some more coriander sprinkled on top.

Coriander Mackerel:

2 whole mackerel, gutted but still with skin, head, eyes and all

Large bunch of coriander

2 garlic cloves

1 whole lemon

Glug of olive oil

Salt flakes
Pepper

  1. Chop large bunch of coriander finely, stalks and all
    The stalks actually have the best flavour
  2. Chop garlic cloves finely (or if you can’t be bothered Very Lazy Garlic is pretty darn good)
    I can very rarely be bothered
  3. In a medium bowl mix coriander, garlic, olive oil, some of the salt flakes and pepper
  4. Slice lemon into rings then chop rings in half
  5. Take mackerel and stuff in the centre with the coriander mixture and the half rings of lemon
    Scare all your guests by wiggling then mackerel at them. People love it when fish still have heads
  6. Wrap tightly in kitchen foil
    Don’t let a guest who’s had one too many beers help. It will not be tight enough
  7. Place directly into slightly cooled coals, it shouldn’t take long at all. You’ll know it’s ready as the fish with flake away easily from the bone
  8. Serve with some sea salt flakes sprinkled over and some more fresh chopped coriander
    If it makes it that far

Marinated Lamb

8 Lamb Cutlets

Olive Oil

2 cloves of garlic

1 bunch of mint

4 springs of rosemary, leaves finely chopping

Walt and Pepper to season (Yes I know it’s spelt wrong, however I’m just repeating the exact recipe on the channel 4   website)

  1. Simply chop the mint and place all ingredients in a dish to leave to marinade over night
    I’m not being funny right but my recipes are way harder, therefore I should have won
  2. BBQ for around 5 minutes on each side and leave to rest before eating
    Or just eat straight off the BBQ because you can’t wait

 

Yorkshire Blue Potato Salad:

Bag of Jersey Royal Potatoes

Mayonnaise (Personally I use Hellmanns)
White wine vinegar

Olive Oil (extra virgin if you have it)

Fresh chives

Bulb of Smoked Garlic

Yorkshire Blue Cheese

1 red onion

  1. Pre heat oven to 200. Boil Kettle. Chop Jersey Royals into halves or quarters (depends how chunky you like your salad) and part boil for around 5-8 minutes
  2. Drain off potato cubes and tip into a roasting tin, section off the smoked garlic into cloves and scatter over roasting tin, skin still on. Cover everything in the tin with a healthy glug of oil, season and roast until potatoes are slightly crispy and the garlic is squishy
    Don’t eat all the potatoes however tempting they look
  3. Leave the potatoes to cool until room temp. De skin garlic, place in a food blender and blend until a smooth garlic paste is formed
  4. In a large bowl whisk mayo, white wine vinegar and oil. Measurements for this is tricky as it’s all down to personal taste, if you prefer it more vinegary or mayo-y. At first it will look like the mixture has split and you’ll think I’m insane however just keep whisking and maybe add a tiny bit more mayo and it will form a silky sauce
    Vinegary-Mayo-y I’m so technical I know

  5. Chop red onion incredibly finely
    Have an argument with sous chef about what ‘finely’ means
  6. Snip fresh chives into the mayo mixture and add red onion, stir until combined
  7. Add in roasted potatoes, stir gently so as not to break the potatoes and to finish crumble Yorkshire Blue Cheese over the top
    If you haven’t eaten all the blue cheese already

Carnivores Anonymous

Things that I’m not fantastic at

  • Whistling – Never been able to. Been an annoyance since school
  • Maths – due to a series of horrible and traumatising maths teachers from my school days
  • Hiding my emotions – Full stop

The first two have never proved an overwhelming problem for me: I’ve never been lost in the woods needing to attract attention so my lack of ability to whistle has never been a big deal and no-one ever asks me to do Pythagoras theorem anymore (how useful is it now Mrs. Neil?!) so my daily usage of Maths manages to remain comfortably low. However, dear friends, dear, dear friends. The last point is my absolute downfall.

I met someone new recently and obviously when you meet someone you go through the stages of getting to know them ,the way  your heart flutters when you find out you have a weirdly similar adoration of documentaries, when he makes your housemate do that hilarious uncontrolled laughter, affectionately nicknamed Llama laugh , being overly disappointed when you discover they don’t like cheese as much as you etc. Clever egg that he is he horrifyingly quickly picked up on the fact that I don’t just ‘like’ things. I LOVE them or I HATE them. There is very little middle ground with me. For example: I love cheese so much I tear up whenever someone presents me with a tasty morsel, I whimper with joy when Australian Masterchef comes on each year and I cackle with glee every time I see a photo of an otter. On the other end of the spectrum I feel viscerally angry whenever I smell coconut, lose it when people pronounce ‘jalapenos’ wrong and really really don’t like people who can’t queue properly. THERE’S A LINE FOR A REASON.

One of the main ways that these extreme emotions show themselves is by languishing over my face.  My face acts  pretty much like that of an over excited cartoon character. One particular topic that has been making my countenance shrivel with disdain is that for the past couple of years I have constantly faced the assumption that I am a vegetarian. Whilst I have absolutely nothing against those who chose the vegetarian lifestyle (you have more will power than I do) I do not chose this lifestyle and the assumption that I am hits on another major pet peeve of mine. Stereotypes. “You have a veggie vibe” I’m sorry. What now!?!?!?! What does a veggie look like!? I didn’t realise they all had a particular style that meant we could pick them out in a crowd to tut at their stereotypical ‘vegi-isms’

So, I’ve decided to be veggie for a couple of weeks. Partly to whinge about how much I miss chicken, mainly to see if I’m actually a closet veggie in denial and have no right to be so quick to anger with those who assume I am.

I don’t have give up cheese though so it’s ok:

Day 1:

Totally chilled. Not feeling a problem at all until the evening rolls round. I really really fancy a curry which is great. I love veggie curry. Yes. But I also love chicken and especially fish curries and oh wait those are both banned. Disaster. So I settle for a larger portion of saag paneer with mushroom rice and naan bread. Yum.

Day 2:

This is really actually fine. I can totally survive two weeks without meat.

Day 3:

I’m feeling pretty drained  and tired, probably got more to do with my hectic schedule more than anything else. We have an amazing jacket potato place just round the corner from work which is helping a lot

Day 4:

The day times are fine. It’s the evenings that I’m starting to struggle with. Housemates are both meat eaters and when they start cooking chicken, it’s wrong I know but I genuinely start to salivate. I should be stronger than this. I should have more self will, this is pretty shameful

Day 5:

Starting to become very sick of plain jacket potato with cheese. I WANT TUNA. GIVE ME THE GOSH DARN TUNA

Day 6:

It’s Friday, and reader. I’m drunk. I’ve also failed. Miserably. I ate chicken nuggets, cooked at like 2am when I got home. I managed a pitiful six days, then cooked nuggets and snaffled them smothered with mayo and shame

 

So I like chicken. A lot it would appear. It’s amusing though as I know I do go days and days without eating meat in a normal week. Yet for some reason as soon as I denied myself meat all I could dream about was lasagne and other meaty based delights.
I’d have loved for this blog to become a homage to sourcing sustainable options and being conscious about where meat comes from. However, I was defeated by chicken nuggets, which lets face it, probably wouldn’t know what a chicken was if they fell over it.

The Wick at Both Ends

So it’s like midnight. I’ve had far too many cocktails to be writing anything except a note to my sober self about how much water I should drink to stave off the mild headache I’m probably going to have tomorrow morning.

However, I don’t feel like I can wait, it was too good, I have to talk about the ridiculously amazing meal I just had at The Wick at Both Ends. Yes, you read that right The Wick at Both Ends. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been a fan of the Wick, except for their truly terrible Lemon Drizzles that have lead to some of my more spectacular accidents in Sheffield. I’ve crawled in on Sunday afternoons with impressive hangovers and demanded one of their roasts, however, whilst always lovely, was never something to write home about.

This, this, however is something to not only write home about but send a blooming postcard to everyone I know about.

The concept has been completely flipped on it’s head. Gone are the mildly overpriced main dishes with no real theme. In it’s place is a short and stunning menu of small plates, bar bites and a couple of desserts. Plus there was a cheese board. You all know how I feel about cheese.

Housemates arrived and we proceeded to rather ruefully order one of pretty much everything. Pretty sure we ate more than anyone else there. Which equated to:

Snacks:

  • Green olives with dried chilli – Olives. Yum.
  • Pickled Jalapenos, smoked cheese – Now, I’m a fan of spice. This was too much and they were probably the biggest let down. Cheese. Yum though.
  • Honey mustard popcorn – Genuinely forgot this existed by the end of the meal was too excited eating everything else ever

Bar bites:

  • Cured meat board with quince jelly – Cue housemate choking at a mildly spicy piece of ham

Small plates:

  • Torched Mackerel, Burnt Apple, Dill, Watercress – Just torched enough so the skin was crispy, not burnt, perfect combo
  • Blade of Beef, Enoki Mushroom, Onion, Dashi  – Fancy jug of sauce to cook to mushrooms which caused us much delight, the beef fell to pieces as all good beef should wick 3
  • Pork Collar, Almond, Anchovy, Sage, New Potatoes – Might have actually been my highlight, and I don’t normally eat pork but the combo of salty tasty pork with fishy anchovy was beyond incredible (the cocktails are adding to my descriptive powers I see)
  • Cod, Chicken Skin, Cauliflower, Hazelnut – No, NO I was wrong. I take it back THIS was my favourite. I could have eaten twelve of them, chicken skin that made that satisfying crack with soft, perfectly cooked flaky cod. Cue drool all over my keyboard
  • Sea Trout, Camomile Butter, Sorrel, Leeks – Soft sea trout, maybe a slightly small portion but definitely perfectly formed
  • Chicken, Grilled Corn, Fava Beans, Roast Onion Sauce – The only let down of the small plates. Chicken was dry and uninspiring but to be fair if I’d eaten this without any of the other amazing dishes I probably wouldn’t have complained
  • Hake, Chorizo, Black Olive, Jersey Royals, Olive Oil – Refreshingly Mediterranean, perfect amount of tasty olive oil to make you feel like an indulgence, hake perfectly cooked. Tiny pieces of fish, not easy to cook well
  • Lamb Belly, Cucumber, Yoghurt, Harissa, Black Pepper – Don’t even like lamb. Didn’t even care. Supremely tasty lamb.

 

Sweets:

  • Chocolate Mousse, Meringue, Honeycomb – I hate sweet things so I didn’t bother with this but the home made honeycomb was super tasty. What crunchies everywhere dream of tasting like when they grow up
    wick2
  • Buttermilk Panna Cota, Cardamom, Strawberries – Again not a sweet person
    but the panna cotta had the perfect sexy wobble everyone bangs on about, housemates hooverd it up. Blink and you missed itwick1

Other:

  • Cheeseboard – We had two. That’s all that needs to be said about that

Sometimes I do wonder if I eat too much food. Anyway I’m slipping further and further into a food coma. I would highly recommend checking out both the new food and amazing new cocktail menu

wick4wick6

wick5

 

 

 

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“Excuse me but…”

So, I opened a can of worms. A really large. Really ugly can of worms. Phone calls were made, messages were sent and my phone didn’t stop buzzing for three whole days. I asked a group of people who’s voices are rarely heard to speak up. To raise themselves above the coffee counters and tequila soaked bars. To make a stand and let the general great unwashed know what is unacceptable when placing an order.

Strap in folks. We’re in for a bumpy ride

Things as a person who works in hospitality I freaking hate: 

  • Clicking your fingers
    Genuinely. I will snap your fingers off
  • There’s a large group of you. You’ve all ordered drinks. I bring the drink over……..no-one claims it
    Cue blank stares and an awkward silence. Finally someone pipes up, coffee is now cold

  • Ordering your drinks one at a time, finally ending with “Oh. And a pint of Guinness”
    Seriously

  • “Is it alright if we just move to that table over there?”
    No. NO IT’S NOT. It’s never ok

  • “I couldn’t get in the door”
    That’s because we’re shut. The sign says closed, I don’t care if it’s 9.58 with an opening time of 10

  • Queue…..Queue…….Queue…..”I Still don’t know what I want
    Get out my bar

  • “I’d like a long island iced tea” Made “and another long island iced tea”
    I definitely have enough brain cells to make two drinks at once
  • “Are you serving”…
    No I’m just making my own mojito…
  • Working in a gin bar.. “What gin do you have?”..
    Well I could list the 100+ gins for you but you’re still probably going to pick the house gin

  • Table of 20 covers…..”Can we all pay separately?”
    The worst

  • Half a shot, decaf, soy latte extra hot
    …………

  • Plonking money down on the counter
    Just bloody rude

  • “That pint tasted funny”
    Still drank it didn’t you cheap beggar

  • “It’s so busy in here today!”
    It’s bank holiday. Want to swop?

  • “Could I try the elderflower martini?…….Oh no that’s awful  could I have a smirnoff and coke?”
    I hate you

  • “How long does it take to make an omelette?”
    About four minutes but I also have everyone else’s food to cook  too

  • “Please be careful this plate is very hot” Grab. Pain.
    I did tell you

  • Sitting on the only dirty table in the café. Staring expectantly
    Just leave

  • “I’m so sorry we’re so late, I know the booking was around an hour ago but we’re here now. We’re also 12 instead of 8, that’s ok right?”
    No

  • “Keep the change”
    Thanks for the 5p. Mate

  • Children
    Just children

  • Could I grab your WIFI Password?
    Only if you promise not to sit here for the next 8 hours nursing a pot of £1.80 tea furiously demanding more hot water to fill it it. Go write your ‘bestseller’ somewhere else
  • Carries tray over, customer grabs drink off tray. Drink ends up all over customer. Get off my tray

  • I’ve been waiting for like 20 minutes
    Well. You haven’t though. Have you?

If you think of anymore feel free to harass me at erin_lawlor@hotmail.co.uk

#trendy

Five things I am immediately over, in fact I was over them five minutes ago:

  • Coconut Oil: If one more person tells me I should totally be roasting my potatoes, kale, carrots, hair etc etc in coconut oil I will probably lose it at them. I want to make one thing clear. I HATE COCONUT. I hate it. I think it’s awful and yet every healthy recipe going has coconut oil in. What happened people?! I know it’s low in whatever but people in the med pretty much BATHE in olive oil and they’re fine!  It’s not like I’m cooking everything in lard
  • Doughnuts: Not sure if it’s just me because I don’t have a particularly sweet tooth, but does anyone really know the difference between a bro,cro,fro – nut and, more importantly, does anyone care!? I don’t want an ‘ice-cream-stuffed-brioche-style-baked-at-midnight-under-a-blue-moon-doughnut’ towering precariously on top of my milkshake thank you
  • ‘Clean eating’: I’m not being funny but would someone, anyone, like to actually define clean eating for me? I thought this was just a myth made up on instagram to make me feel like a whale for posting photos of my lasagne. No. No apparently it’s a real thing!? From what I can gather it means eating fruit and veg and cutting down on processed crap. Revolutionary. Right?
  • Deconstructed: I like my food constructed. The end
  • Chia Seeds: So these little things are cropping up in hipster venues everywhere. They are appearing mainly in porridge form. I use the term porridge very, very loosely. What it actually constitutes is something akin to what I imagine the texture of frogspawn to be. Horrendous. Plus they cost a bomb