So, I opened a can of worms. A really large. Really ugly can of worms. Phone calls were made, messages were sent and my phone didn’t stop buzzing for three whole days. I asked a group of people who’s voices are rarely heard to speak up. To raise themselves above the coffee counters and tequila soaked bars. To make a stand and let the general great unwashed know what is unacceptable when placing an order.
Strap in folks. We’re in for a bumpy ride
Things as a person who works in hospitality I freaking hate:
- Clicking your fingers
Genuinely. will snap your fingers off
- There’s a large group of you. You’ve all ordered drinks. I bring the drink over……..no-one claims it
Cue blank stares and an awkward silence. Finally someone pipes up, coffee is now cold
- Ordering drinks one at a time, finally ending with “Oh. And a pint of Guinness”
- “Is it alright if we just move to that table over there?”
No. NO IT’S NOT. It’s never ok
- “I couldn’t get in the door”
That’s because we’re shut. The sign says closed, I don’t care if it’s 9.58 with an opening time of 10
- Queue…..Queue…….Queue…..”I Still don’t know what I want”
Get out my bar
- “I’d like a long island iced tea” Made “and another long island iced tea”
I definitely have enough brain cells to make two drinks at once
- “Are you serving”…
No I’m just making my own mojito…
- Working in a gin bar.. “What gin do you have?”..
Well I could list the 100+ gins for you but you’re still probably going to pick the house
- Table of 20 covers…..”Can we all pay separately?”
- Half a shot, decaf, soy latte extra hot
- Plonking money down on the counter
Just bloody rude….and now it’s sticky
- “That pint tasted funny”
Still drank it didn’t you cheap beggar
- “It’s so busy in here today!”
It’s bank holiday. Thought you’d be the only one out?
- “Could I try the elderflower martini?…….Oh no that’s awful could I have a smirnoff and coke?”
I’m wasted in this job. No-one appreciates
- “How long does it take to make an omelette?”
About four minutes but I also have everyone else’s food to cook too
- “Please be careful this plate is very hot” Grab. Pain.
I did tell you
- Sitting on the only dirty table in the café. Staring expectantly
- “I’m so sorry we’re so late, I know the booking was around an hour ago but we’re here now. We’re also 12 instead of 8, that’s ok right?”
- “Keep the change”
Thanks for the 5p. Mate
- Could I grab your WIFI Password?
Only if you promise not to sit here for the next 8 hours nursing a pot of £1.80 tea furiously demanding more hot water to fill it it. Go write your ‘bestseller’ somewhere else
- Carries tray over, customer grabs drink off tray. Drink ends up all over customer.
Get off my tray
- I’ve been waiting for like 20 minutes
Well. You haven’t though. Have you?
If you think of anymore feel free to harass me at firstname.lastname@example.org