So, I opened a can of worms. A really large. Really ugly can of worms. Phone calls were made, messages were sent and my phone didn’t stop buzzing for three whole days. I asked a group of people who’s voices are rarely heard to speak up. To raise themselves above the coffee counters and tequila soaked bars. To make a stand and let the general great unwashed know what is unacceptable when placing an order.

Strap in folks. We’re in for a bumpy ride

Things as a person who works in hospitality I freaking hate: 

• Clicking your fingers
  Genuinely. I will snap your fingers off
• There’s a large group of you. You’ve all ordered drinks. I bring the drink over……..no-one claims it
  Cue blank stares and an awkward silence. Finally someone pipes up, coffee is now cold

• Ordering your drinks one at a time, finally ending with “Oh. And a pint of Guinness”
  Seriously

• “Is it alright if we just move to that table over there?”
  No. NO IT’S NOT. It’s never ok

• “I couldn’t get in the door”
  That’s because we’re shut. The sign says closed, I don’t care if it’s 9.58 with an opening time of 10

• Queue…..Queue…….Queue…..”I Still don’t know what I want”
  Get out my bar

• “I’d like a long island iced tea” Made “and another long island iced tea”
  I definitely have enough brain cells to make two drinks at once
  

• “Are you serving”…
  No I’m just making my own mojito…
  

• Working in a gin bar.. “What gin do you have?”..
  Well I could list the 100+ gins for you but you’re still probably going to pick the house gin

• Table of 20 covers…..”Can we all pay separately?”
  The worst

• Half a shot, decaf, soy latte extra hot
  …………

• Plonking money down on the counter
  Just bloody rude

• “That pint tasted funny”
  Still drank it didn’t you cheap beggar

• “It’s so busy in here today!”
  It’s bank holiday. Want to swop?

• “Could I try the elderflower martini?…….Oh no that’s awful  could I have a smirnoff and coke?”
  I hate you

• “How long does it take to make an omelette?”
  About four minutes but I also have everyone else’s food to cook  too

• “Please be careful this plate is very hot” Grab. Pain.
  I did tell you

• Sitting on the only dirty table in the café. Staring expectantly
  Just leave

• “I’m so sorry we’re so late, I know the booking was around an hour ago but we’re here now. We’re also 12 instead of 8, that’s ok right?”
  No

• “Keep the change”
  Thanks for the 5p. Mate

• Children
  Just children

• Could I grab your WIFI Password?
  Only if you promise not to sit here for the next 8 hours nursing a pot of £1.80 tea furiously demanding more hot water to fill it it. Go write your ‘bestseller’ somewhere else

• Carries tray over, customer grabs drink off tray. Drink ends up all over customer. Get off my tray

• I’ve been waiting for like 20 minutes
  Well. You haven’t though. Have you?

If you think of anymore feel free to harass me at erin_lawlor@hotmail.co.uk